Speaking from experience... You have most definitely heard a parent that you know say something like the following: "I can't wait until they graduate from high school and move off to college, then I can have my life back." You have heard this in some form from some flippant mother. Well, my mother couldn't wait for me to enter 1st grade …
Speaking from experience... You have most definitely heard a parent that you know say something like the following: "I can't wait until they graduate from high school and move off to college, then I can have my life back." You have heard this in some form from some flippant mother. Well, my mother couldn't wait for me to enter 1st grade so she could retire as a parent. So once I was off to gradeschool, that was it. No more parents. Ever again. My dad died when I was 12, and I was asked, "The funeral is on Thursday, are you going?"
I was 12. Hell I didn't know how this was real. I couldn't believe it myself, even then. From that point forward, having not the slightest hint of wisdom, moral support, understanding or anything surely led to the following 10 years of trying to understand death itself. Unfortunately, those in the Catholic community around me weren't particularly concerned about any of it, and didn't have much to say. No relatives seemed concerned and there was no one and nothing to guide me.
For the next 10 years, I had to figure out just about everything a person takes for granted who has actual parents. I can assure you it does not proceed well for people like us. If we manage to figure anything out or retain any morality, the obstacles in life still stack up way beyond the comprehension of the average 'normal' person with two parents (or even one devoted parent.) We might as well been delivered straight to the devil's doorstep. By our own parents.
Essentially we were dropped into this world alone. Yes, I had older brothers, but they basically fled, one becoming a total sociopath (the favorite), and the other just went away never to return (the scapegoat). Me? The youngest? Just ignored. Left to my own devices. I chose a moral path, but by doing this I faced even more difficulties. Sometimes I think back, and wonder if I had just joined the criminal friends I always ended up with, I could have learned to steal cars, deal drugs, steal stuff, etc, and probably would have been better off. Instead, I chose to pursue some kind of existential quest for truth, meaning of life, God, etc, and boy that didn't make life one bit easier. If this is also the life you chose for yourself, I can sympathize. The difficulties never end. One day, still in your 30s or even 40s, some odd thing will occur to you, something you never thought about your entire life until that moment, and no matter how stable you have become, it can cut into the normal day.
It never goes away. I never came up with any answers, forgiveness or not, of just how human beings could do this to their own children. It's still astonishing, but it's clear, it just never occurred to them that it ever mattered. A long time ago, I used to feel alone, but since then it seems there are millions of people like me, and now I look at it differently. Articles like this usually hit home for me, and I wind up writing long responses, so I apologize, but I have no other answers. It always reaches back into my own childhood, or hell, all the way to yesterday--the entirety of life. I am willing to bet it's pretty much the same for you, and all I can say, it just never goes away. I have no idea how to settle it, explain it, change it or practically how to ever deal with it. I guess it's a good thing I never got into alcohol, which is probably the usual 'remedy' but instead I dived headlong into the alternative health world. So that probably did me some good.
I always tell parents, you better not ever take your kids for granted, they WILL remember. If later in life they're nowhere to be found, well, you know what you did. If your kids are still there, taking care of you, guess what, you succeeded, you did a good job. Kids don't just run away on their own accord. People can make mistakes. Destroying your kids' lives has got to be one of the worst crimes a human can commit. To create a life destined for pain and suffering--for that entire lifetime.
Whatever you've discovered within yourself, and none of us will ever know, that keeps you going, I hope you never let go of it or lose sight of it, your ability to reflect on these things makes you one of the most valuable people on earth. Thanks.
Speaking from experience... You have most definitely heard a parent that you know say something like the following: "I can't wait until they graduate from high school and move off to college, then I can have my life back." You have heard this in some form from some flippant mother. Well, my mother couldn't wait for me to enter 1st grade so she could retire as a parent. So once I was off to gradeschool, that was it. No more parents. Ever again. My dad died when I was 12, and I was asked, "The funeral is on Thursday, are you going?"
I was 12. Hell I didn't know how this was real. I couldn't believe it myself, even then. From that point forward, having not the slightest hint of wisdom, moral support, understanding or anything surely led to the following 10 years of trying to understand death itself. Unfortunately, those in the Catholic community around me weren't particularly concerned about any of it, and didn't have much to say. No relatives seemed concerned and there was no one and nothing to guide me.
For the next 10 years, I had to figure out just about everything a person takes for granted who has actual parents. I can assure you it does not proceed well for people like us. If we manage to figure anything out or retain any morality, the obstacles in life still stack up way beyond the comprehension of the average 'normal' person with two parents (or even one devoted parent.) We might as well been delivered straight to the devil's doorstep. By our own parents.
Essentially we were dropped into this world alone. Yes, I had older brothers, but they basically fled, one becoming a total sociopath (the favorite), and the other just went away never to return (the scapegoat). Me? The youngest? Just ignored. Left to my own devices. I chose a moral path, but by doing this I faced even more difficulties. Sometimes I think back, and wonder if I had just joined the criminal friends I always ended up with, I could have learned to steal cars, deal drugs, steal stuff, etc, and probably would have been better off. Instead, I chose to pursue some kind of existential quest for truth, meaning of life, God, etc, and boy that didn't make life one bit easier. If this is also the life you chose for yourself, I can sympathize. The difficulties never end. One day, still in your 30s or even 40s, some odd thing will occur to you, something you never thought about your entire life until that moment, and no matter how stable you have become, it can cut into the normal day.
It never goes away. I never came up with any answers, forgiveness or not, of just how human beings could do this to their own children. It's still astonishing, but it's clear, it just never occurred to them that it ever mattered. A long time ago, I used to feel alone, but since then it seems there are millions of people like me, and now I look at it differently. Articles like this usually hit home for me, and I wind up writing long responses, so I apologize, but I have no other answers. It always reaches back into my own childhood, or hell, all the way to yesterday--the entirety of life. I am willing to bet it's pretty much the same for you, and all I can say, it just never goes away. I have no idea how to settle it, explain it, change it or practically how to ever deal with it. I guess it's a good thing I never got into alcohol, which is probably the usual 'remedy' but instead I dived headlong into the alternative health world. So that probably did me some good.
I always tell parents, you better not ever take your kids for granted, they WILL remember. If later in life they're nowhere to be found, well, you know what you did. If your kids are still there, taking care of you, guess what, you succeeded, you did a good job. Kids don't just run away on their own accord. People can make mistakes. Destroying your kids' lives has got to be one of the worst crimes a human can commit. To create a life destined for pain and suffering--for that entire lifetime.
Whatever you've discovered within yourself, and none of us will ever know, that keeps you going, I hope you never let go of it or lose sight of it, your ability to reflect on these things makes you one of the most valuable people on earth. Thanks.